Sunday, November 1, 2009

One thing leading into another......and another.....

My mind is constantly being flooded by different thoughts rushing in and out; I never have a chance to sort out what is going on in the mess of ideas that overwhelm me. Yesterday was a good chance for me to get out what is on my mind to someone who not only listens but has the same experiences that I have. I have seen how we have grown in so many ways since we have known each other. Despite many conflicts and lows that we have had as friends, you have always been there for me. No one is as emotional as me, but I know that you care and show concern, which is greatly appreciated. Our experiences have given us each very different outcomes. I try to encourage you and uplift you, and you return the same, not out of obligation, but that is because what we are called to do for each other. I enjoy being able to share the things on my heart with you because I know that you let me rant or open myself while you sit idle and take it in.

Through our conversation, combined with my thinking, you have given me a source of accountability----to make sure that I never let myself live such a secular life with another person. I have come to realize that to look past ones flaws and sins is not acceptable if it is going to bring me down with them. I have always been the stronger, more mature, more intelligent person, but I usually give in to compromise way too many times. I wish that I was more open with you from the beginning because you would have spoken out against me knowing what I was getting myself into, but I know now to let you in on my life and not put on a face for you. You may think that you are passive, but you hold me to convictions more so than you realize. I will continue to wear the mask of cynicism and sarcasm because it weeds out so many that are just a waste of my time. My time is more valuable to me now than it ever was, and I am only going to use it on what is worthy of taking it up.

You encourage me to open myself up again, and you are excited for me with what I share with you. I am intrigued about where these next couple of weeks will take each of us. I know you are praying for me, as I am for you. Despite anything that happens in my life, I always want others to be happy, especially since that is something that gives me a temporal happiness. I like to feel what others are feeling. Maybe that is why I am such a good listener because I actually have a heart and care for others with a compassionate soul, unlike the robotic pharisees that roam the streets....and I unfortunately have to interact with. I am not ashamed for having emotions and using them. It is what separates me from almost everyone else.....and I am proud to be unique!

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