Tears from the Spirit

Tonight was a very interesting night. I had a conversation that seemed to be like normal until I find out about a fellow brother in Christ acting shady. Of course, when I get passionate about something it becomes quite apparent because my whole demeanor changes dramatically. Immediately I start going off about this guy and how it upsets me to hear about a brother acting in the manner that he did. I get so frustrated when I see or hear about members of Christ doing things that are completely not above reproach and are actually quite uncool and damaging to a person's testimony. We are brothers and sisters in Christ for a reason: we are a family. Yet, despite this all we end up doing is attacking each other and giving the world, that already dislikes us, reason to mock us and put our sins and errors on display for the rest of the world to look down upon us at.

I proceeded to then rant about this topic for the next ten minutes. What happened next is the start of a new topic which started by the person saying "wow, you have done a totally 180 from last year". I most definitely know that I have and that the only reason is because God loved me enough to break me to the point where I fully let Him control me life in its entirety, which freed me from worry and helped me grow spiritually mature as the days progress. I explained all of this and then started to talk about how I want to encourage others and get them to see the understanding and zeal that I possess. I then brought up my family as well in talking about that desire and, when that happened, my eyes welled with tears. I cannot remember when I cared about someone or a group of someones spiritual life that I was on the verge of tears. God has so graciously given me a love for my family and for the lost that I never truly feel I ever had: the desire for them to know the Father and the peace and security that I have. I am so much more aware that God continually is changing this little man to do something that only He knows the full extent of. I am excited to be a vessel for Him and follow His will. I pray, and hope others pray, that I really do follow God's will despite where it will lead me or what will happen as a result of it. God is faithful and I want others to see that by having it pour forth from my life and testimony. I look forward to the future that God has planned for me!

"Your love never fails....."

Gifts......the best kind!

I am a person of thought, and by that I mean I analyze almost everything that occurs in my life, both big and small. I believe that I have come to a realization about the changes in my life that have occurred since the summer. I know that I will never fully understand why God decides to do all the things in my life that He has done for me. I do feel like I have somewhat of a grasp on the past couple of years and the emotional roller coaster that I have been on up until the past several months. I truly believe that things like deaths of close relatives, rejection from medical schools, and heartbreaks and failed friendships have all taken place for God to wake up a miserable, loathsome, pessimistic, cynical, bitter young boy and place him on the path of godliness and righteousness.

I feel like God used the circumstances in my life to bring out what I feel more and more everyday is a spiritual gift in my life: exhortation. Replaying events in my life has helped me realize that I need to be fully and whole-heartedly broken in every aspect of life before I would cry out to my Father and have Him not only heal me, but change me in a way that I hope I never stray from. I am able to empathize in many situations, and with that not only listen to the person, but encourage them and point them back to the cross and the love/faithfulness of God and the hope that is found only in Him.

Life is not supposed to be easy. Life is not meant to be lived for yourself or for others for that matter. Life is only worth living if it is spent serving the Creator that made you. All other ways of life result in futility.

Am I saying that my life is all peaches and cream? Heck, no! The thing is that I really do not have too many worries anymore and am enjoying life much more to its fullest by giving it all over to God. He will get me into medical school in His timing. He will provide a place for me to live after next month. He will provide a wonderful, godly wife and the blessing of children. He has given me so much, and yet He has so much left to bless me with. The blessing and joys of life in Christ.......enough said!