A taste of the "American dream"

I never really realized until tonight how privileged I am as a person. I ended up going to a restaurant where a meal for one person costs more than people spend a month on their car insurance or electric bill. I have always focused on the negative things in life. I truly am either a pessimist or a realist when it comes down to it all. No matter what, I can pick out what is unfortunate in a situation despite how good the circumstances may be. At the restaurant, I was exposed to a food quality that almost none of my friends will ever experience, yet again are too unsophisticated to truly understand what would be served to them anyways, with a slight exception of a few. My arrogance enjoys the fact that I was eating with people that spend more in a month than my college tuition costs me in a year and was able to feel like I was a somebody. The manner of respect I was given was above what most of my fellow peers gives me. I find it truly disheartening that money and affluence seems to bring respect in this society. What ever happened to respecting a person for their good manners, compassion, or intelligence? Will becoming a doctor be the only way people treat me with a manner of decency?

Suffice it to say, I had a taste of the high-life tonight and realized that is not what I want to be a part of. Outside the phenomenal quality of food I indulged in, the atmosphere made me realize that I am glad that I never grew up in the upper class life. I know that I have more than most people could ask for and am very well off. I am very unappreciative of what I have, but at least I know that even though I need to improve, I have the potential to have an attitude much worse than I already have. I hope I start to focus on the blessings that I have. It gets tiring constantly expecting the worst in life. Yet that is still one area which God is going to take a miracle to change in me. At least my reclusiveness prevents others from being exposed and hindered from the bitterness that is in my heart but which I hide so well. Haha, the irony of finding a cynical optimism in my pessimism. I do take pride in being such a unique individual. Thankfully, no one truly understands me because that would take away being unique, and who would want to be just another person lost in the crowd....