Roommates, friendships, and the like....

Due to the fact that I drank three cups of coffee at dinner tonight and had about 20 packets of sugar between the three cups, I am very awake right now. Also, all my roommates are sleeping and no one else is really awake to talk to, so I find myself thinking.....which is not a first for me. I have been thinking about my roommates and living out here in cali. The whole time the plans were being arranged for living together, I was stoked out of my mind. I would be living off campus, away from the bubble, and with some very solid guys. Little did I know what the living situation would turn out to be. My roommates just seem to be people that co-inhabit the save living quarters as I do and remind me of mannequins except with voices. All of us seem to stick to our own little worlds. We all do out own thing and seem to stay out of each other's way and each other's lives, more often than not at least. I feel like I am living with strangers. It has taken the fun out of living off campus. Sometimes I feel it would be better to just live by myself because that is almost what it feels like already.

I have only 4 weeks left until I am done with college and Masters. At this rate, Masters will be just a thing of the past, along with virtually all the people that I met there. They don't accept me for the way I am. They are only concerned with themselves and what is convenient to them. Once you move off campus, you realize that just about all the people you know there are too lazy to come visit you, despite how many times you have gone to them. Convenience should not be what defines a friendship. You should not be friends with someone just because it fits in your schedule and is easy for you. The truest friends that I know for sure that I have are the ones that I grew up with. They let me call them at any our of the day to complain, rant about something, or calm me down.....but most importantly, it happens both ways. I am honored to be woken up from someone because they had a hard time with something, or were overjoyed about something. I am committed in a friendship, and they are the only ones that seem to reciprocate that friendship back to me.

People at Master's should take a class about friendship or sit through a chapel on one, anything to wake them up to being so self-centered when it comes to friendship. I know I have very selfish tendencies, but at least I know what a true friend is. Most people would never know that because they see the kid wearing tight yellow pants and black hair and run screaming the other way. The few that talk to me only do just that, talk. There is no commitment or lasting element of friendship there. It is all just a charade. I actually long for the days of high school again when I had less cares and were able to hang out with the people that truly mattered in my life. Soon I won't have to put on the happy face anymore to people out here and finally act like we never met, which is the way they seem to want things through their actions. People always wonder why I have such a pessimistic view on people. Well, I am not one known for sugar coating things, and when it comes down to it, people suck! End of story....except for the ones that truly matter in my life. They known who they are, even though most of them will never read this. Thank you for being a real, honest, loving friend in my life. You all have made an impact on my life and continue to do so. I pray that our friendships will never end. You are more than friends. You are family, and I mean that oh so much (yes, I just said oh so much). I may not believe in the concept of love really, but the care and affection I have for you all comes from the utmost depths of my heart!