A swaying tree

For two months I have been thankfully employed during a time where a job can be difficult to come by. I am very blessed to have this job, but I have now run into a problem. I am constantly working or travelling or running errands that I haven't had time to take a day and fully relax in over a month. Even if I am not at work, I am stilling running around doing things. By all means, I am enjoying doing these things and really am having fun, but the problem is is that it is far from relaxing. I keep getting more and more burned out and feel more and more exhausted every day. I am sure that my body will soon enough just give out on me just to show me that I really do need to rest and take it easy every once in awhile. By the grace of God am I fully able to function as well as have enough strength and energy to keep on going day in and day out. His provisions are amazing. I really am a weak and fragile tree swaying underneath the weight of His love and mercy!

Words without action

I wish more people would live their lives with fewer words and greater, more meaningful actions. God could have said He was sending His Son for us, but the fact that Christ dwelt among us on the earth and died for our sins on the cross has a much greater power than words could ever have. It also gives credibility to any future words and potential actions that might be taken by an individuals. Too many people are throwing words around. With the exception of few individuals, words are an indifferent method of communication to me because they almost, without fail, are not acted upon and carried out. I wouldn't have minded growing up mute because then there would be less room for hypocrisy....

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth!" ~1 John 3:18

A smile on my face

I cannot help but sit here and smile when I think about the place I am at in life right now. The changes in my life have been genuinely brought about by God alone, and yet I have so much further to go. I strive for godliness everyday, day in and day out. I always been blessed, but by letting God direct me and utterly control every dot and tittle of my life has brought about blessings that I never thought possible. I continually pray for a boldness that I have never had before to make sure that when someone comments on my 180 turn in life that I can ultimately point it back to God. I have a much greater passion than ever before for my God and my Savior and for everyone to share the passion that I carry. I finally have a small idea of what Francis Chan feels for the lost and unsaved. I want my passion to continue to grow and flourish through my every being. I wish that I could just spread my passion through osmosis by the shaking of a hand. I want to lovingly smack people over the head and shed tears as I describe the greatness and glory of my God........my Father! I literally stand in awe at times when thinking about how undeserving I am of this grace and lovingkindness. I look forward to the day that I have kids to share with them this passion. I look forward to one day having a wife to guide in the ways of Christ as well. I pray to continually grow as a godly man and to never bring the ones around me down if I were to ever stray from the path. I pray that I man never forget what truly matters in life. May nothing diminish this hope and love for my Father!

Tears from the Spirit

Tonight was a very interesting night. I had a conversation that seemed to be like normal until I find out about a fellow brother in Christ acting shady. Of course, when I get passionate about something it becomes quite apparent because my whole demeanor changes dramatically. Immediately I start going off about this guy and how it upsets me to hear about a brother acting in the manner that he did. I get so frustrated when I see or hear about members of Christ doing things that are completely not above reproach and are actually quite uncool and damaging to a person's testimony. We are brothers and sisters in Christ for a reason: we are a family. Yet, despite this all we end up doing is attacking each other and giving the world, that already dislikes us, reason to mock us and put our sins and errors on display for the rest of the world to look down upon us at.

I proceeded to then rant about this topic for the next ten minutes. What happened next is the start of a new topic which started by the person saying "wow, you have done a totally 180 from last year". I most definitely know that I have and that the only reason is because God loved me enough to break me to the point where I fully let Him control me life in its entirety, which freed me from worry and helped me grow spiritually mature as the days progress. I explained all of this and then started to talk about how I want to encourage others and get them to see the understanding and zeal that I possess. I then brought up my family as well in talking about that desire and, when that happened, my eyes welled with tears. I cannot remember when I cared about someone or a group of someones spiritual life that I was on the verge of tears. God has so graciously given me a love for my family and for the lost that I never truly feel I ever had: the desire for them to know the Father and the peace and security that I have. I am so much more aware that God continually is changing this little man to do something that only He knows the full extent of. I am excited to be a vessel for Him and follow His will. I pray, and hope others pray, that I really do follow God's will despite where it will lead me or what will happen as a result of it. God is faithful and I want others to see that by having it pour forth from my life and testimony. I look forward to the future that God has planned for me!

"Your love never fails....."

Gifts......the best kind!

I am a person of thought, and by that I mean I analyze almost everything that occurs in my life, both big and small. I believe that I have come to a realization about the changes in my life that have occurred since the summer. I know that I will never fully understand why God decides to do all the things in my life that He has done for me. I do feel like I have somewhat of a grasp on the past couple of years and the emotional roller coaster that I have been on up until the past several months. I truly believe that things like deaths of close relatives, rejection from medical schools, and heartbreaks and failed friendships have all taken place for God to wake up a miserable, loathsome, pessimistic, cynical, bitter young boy and place him on the path of godliness and righteousness.

I feel like God used the circumstances in my life to bring out what I feel more and more everyday is a spiritual gift in my life: exhortation. Replaying events in my life has helped me realize that I need to be fully and whole-heartedly broken in every aspect of life before I would cry out to my Father and have Him not only heal me, but change me in a way that I hope I never stray from. I am able to empathize in many situations, and with that not only listen to the person, but encourage them and point them back to the cross and the love/faithfulness of God and the hope that is found only in Him.

Life is not supposed to be easy. Life is not meant to be lived for yourself or for others for that matter. Life is only worth living if it is spent serving the Creator that made you. All other ways of life result in futility.

Am I saying that my life is all peaches and cream? Heck, no! The thing is that I really do not have too many worries anymore and am enjoying life much more to its fullest by giving it all over to God. He will get me into medical school in His timing. He will provide a place for me to live after next month. He will provide a wonderful, godly wife and the blessing of children. He has given me so much, and yet He has so much left to bless me with. The blessing and joys of life in Christ.......enough said!

Where I live

I have come to a point in life where for once I am content with all of the circumstances and situations that I find myself in. I will start working soon, which is a blessing from God, I most likely have to reapply to med school in a couple of months, and I only have a couple of months left in the apartment I am currently in before I have no place to live. These aspects of my life are not what I truly need to focus on because they will all be handled by a loving Father that I am so thankful for.

I do have to say that I am excited to move. I really pray that my next living scenario brings in people that will be more than just roommates and people to live with who pay the rent. I want to live with people that will challenge me, encourage me, and most definitely keep me accountable for things. My current living situation is quite the opposite. I come and go as I please with no one taking a meaningful approach to delve into anyone's life. As long as I pay my part of the rent, then it does not matter where I am at or what I am doing. I know that I am not getting myself into trouble or anything, but it would be nice to have real relationships with the people that see me the most everyday and see where I sin and fail and need to grow. I truly hope God puts great brothers in my life this next time around. This is my prayer.....

Miracles

I truly believe that God can perform miracles because I am positive that the 180 degree turn that I have made in my own life in a relatively short period of time is a great testimony of it! I have been following Christ for years now, but I now know what I can attest to this transformation in my life: from the bitter, cynical, pessimistic, angry, despairing, person into a hoping, optimistic, encouraging, God-fearing, trusting, gentle godly man. The only change that I have made in my life, which I have come to realize is the ultimate change, is fully and whole-heartedly submitting to Christ and the will that God has for me and my life. I was so foolish to think that my life is my own and God can just play a role in it. Far be it from that truth that that truly is. I have no worries or anxiety in my life anymore. In less than two months I won't have a place to live, might no have a job, and might not have even been accepted into medical school, but that does not matter to me. God is more than faithful to provide whatever He sees necessary to sustain my life. That is more than enough of a reassurance in my life. I am so grateful for how far I have come in changing and how I have such a passion to strive and pursue godliness and being above reproach.

Ah, words cannot express the strong feelings of gratitude and love that I have for my Father. He alone deserves the glory and praise for the transformations in my life. Thinking about the last year leaves me baffled as to how I could have been so blind and lost in trying to keep God in the passenger seat of my life. That has all changed now. I am excited for what God is doing in my life, as well as the people and circumstances that He keeps bringing in. The future is very uncertain, but God is the God of eternity and His faithfulness and grace know no boundaries. I really hope my life will be a testimony of Christ and the power He has to truly change the hearts of people. I pray people will see a new joy in my life and that it will give me an opportunity to express with them what is on my heart. Thank you for Your love and kindness. Thank You for never abandoning me....