Two months in

This summer has been quite different from the last, and I am very thankful for that. I have been up here for two months now and have a church to go to. Unfortunately, this is not the church where my heart is at. I long for a church that I feel is home and one that I gladly call home. The church that I am at now sometimes feels like an obligation rather than church. I do not get excited like I used to get about church when going to this one. This church started with a bitter taste in my mouth. All I really want is to church seek, even though I most likely have less than year in this area.

I have found several brothers that are solid and great to hang out with. They have already called me out and areas of my life that needed it and encourage me to grow and strive for godliness. This has been a great blessing in my life. All I pray for that God provides me with is a mentor of some sort up here. I am patient in getting to know more people and getting settled in, but mentorship is one of the most important things on my list that I am currently lacking. God has provided me so much in my readjustment of life. It is just a matter of time before He brings this into my life as well! So thankful for such a loving and gracious Father!

Difficulties

The past two weeks have been rough for me. I know that God has currently placed me in the present circumstances and situations for a reason. I know that He is continually using anything and everything to strengthen me, reprove me, and grow me. I will never stop having to go through this process because I will always be an unfinished product, needing the necessary tempering and molding to refine me into a man of Him. The path of godliness and righteousness is very difficult. There are painful things following and pursuing truth in such a dark and dismal world. I knew what I was getting myself into when I made the decision to turn from my flesh and follow Truth. I just never fully expected how rough at times it would be. Satan uses my moments of extreme weakness to fill my head with doubt, controversy, and confusion. These are the times more so than ever where I need to remember the cross and the power over death and Satan that Christ has. No matter what the life event might be, God is in it and will use it to His glory. I pray for strength and complete and total daily submission to what God might have for me. There is never a time where life is hopeless or miserable. It might get incredible rough, but there is always hope in the darkest of places. The light is what my focus is on and is what keeps me going. I pray to be the glimmer of light in my community where there is not much to be found. I want nothing more than to be used by God and have my testimony be honoring to Him and touch the hearts of those that are misled and follow the lies of the world. My life is Yours and I will go where You want and be what You want. This is my prayer!

Growing up

I feel like growing up is not as much fun as I thought it would be when I was younger. Sure, I have become very mature and wise, and am still growing in those ways, but I don't seem to have as much fun as I used to. Everything in life is getting more and more serious, which is overshadowing all the opportunities to have fun and let loose. I still have fun, but the fun just isn't the same anymore. I miss the days of being able to be really immature with friends and just hang out with them and have no care in the world. I am still very carefree in many ways, but there is just an overwhelming amount of responsibility that seems to be in my life. Have a job, pay the rent/bills, apply to med school, etc. I just wish I could have a day to get away from everything in life and truly relax. I pray that God takes me away to a new place next year for school and that I can truly start over in a new place. This adventure called life has taken me to so many places with so many faces, and I am ready again to go. I will go wherever God takes me. It just so happens to currently be in nor cal. Where will You take me next Lord? I anticipate the journey You have planned out for me. I pray that I may be appreciate of what You have for me and always answer with a heart of humility, praise, and joy.

Routines

Life has seemed to me to become all to routine. I wake up, usually have to go to work, come back, play video games, read my Bible, then go to bed and do it all over again. I have become very restless. I just want some excitement in my life. I feel like life is just boring and tedious. I know that God has blessed me in so many ways, but I feel like I am missing some adventure in my life. Maybe it is because I am in an unfamiliar place with almost no one that I know. I am just very bored and restless. I feel like I am still very appreciative of what God has done for me, and I know that He is continually growing me, but life just seems like one be motion going over and over again to me. I pray that I continue to appreciate what God has blessed me with as well as continue to find my joy and peace with Him.

The past

I very much dislike the feeling of associating something with terrible pain and unpleasantness. The kind of feeling that leaves a bitter taste in ones mouth when thought of. This is what Hume Lake is for me. Every single time I hear it, I cringe and feel nauseous. Many good things took place there, but the overwhelming trouble and hardship that came as a result of that place is only what I seem to ever associate with that place. I know that I am over what happened that because it was used to break me in many ways that were necessary and that I am utterly thankful for. The only problem is that I do not want to relive the past. What happened is over and done with and things are different. So many things have changed in my life, and by the grace of God, for the better. I pray that each day I humble myself so that God does not do it for me. I always pray for continued growth and faith in Christ so that I may never have to be brought to a place as last year....

Wow

I cannot believe that everything is almost finished with my transition in life. I have successfully left Santa Clarita and have dragged my possessions to a storage unit up in nor cal. I officially am supposed to start my job a week from today. I have yet to find an apartment and will soon not have a place to stay, but none of that really matters. God has blessed me to a ridiculous, undeserving degree, and I pray that I am more appreciative than I even am now of it. I truly am speechless still by how gracious He has been to me to facilitate all these events in my life. God's plan for me is much greater than I can ever dream, which gives me a great deal of comfort and solace knowing. Ah, the joy of a life spent serving the Father!

A new chapter

I am about to close the door on life in LA. I am moving away to where I feel God wants me. He opened this door for me in such a gracious way, that I feel this must be what He wants. It is really interesting how things change in a person's life. People seem to just come and go, like the passing of seasons. I am still wondering what people in my life are permanent. I know that within the next year even more people will get weeded out of my friend zone, just to be labelled another acquaintance. There is nothing wrong with that. I am only turning 22 soon, but I am done wasting my time. The days and months are moving at a rapid pace; therefore, I am going to enjoy them with the people that are willing to invest their precious time into my life. There are so many thoughts flooding my mind and even more emotions flooding my heart. I pray for continued guidance in this confusing and torn up world. God's will is most likely unlike anything I can imagine. I shall not question it but be obedient. I hope I always am......